The single version of the... uh... truth?

It keeps surprising me how vendors in the business intelligence and data integration space consistently promise their customers and prospects that their technology enables companies to provide the single version of the truth. Of course, this is mostly a marketing message, but even if you don't drink all the cool-aid, there is still a fundamental problem getting there. Most companies aren't even close to identifying all the various data sources from which they would need to extract the information to provide the single version of anything. And even if they could do that, as long as there isn't a single version of the question, forget the truth altogether. Now, I'm not really a pessimistic person, but throwing software at a problem that is largely unrelated to IT, doesn't sound right to me. Most organizations don't have any consistency in their definition of what revenue or profit means. So how are they going to ever arrive at the single version of the truth? There will be a lot of adding apples and oranges, and for the time being software will enable companies to get to the fruit mix quicker.

Goo-goo eyes

No more hiding, folks...

Goo-Goo-Google now enabled the view into our backyards also here in Germany. Now, luckily the Google Maps satellite imagery is not available in hi-res format, but still good enough to see my house, my car, and notice that there isn't any grass yet.

Those pictures therefore must be at least 2-3 years old and the house must have been still under construction, because we built a patio and a carport, grew a lawn, and planted trees since then.

However, the fact that technology is that advanced is still amazing.

Is there red ink in ketchup?

I picked up a FT at the airport this morning and was stunned when I scanned the headlines on the sidebar. One said "Heinz to buy HP for £470M". Huh? What the ...? Of course, I heard the rumors that HP would spin off or sell some of its business groups, but wasn't aware of the fact that HP had a ketchup unit. Unless, that red stuff in those expensive inkjet cartridges is really... Also, that 470M sounded like an awfully low price for HP. Or did Carly get an extraordinary golden handshake?

Turns out, it was only my wicked analyst brain's assumption that the article talks about HP as I know it: Hewlett Packard. Apparently, there is a company named HP Foods and they don't produce ink, but make sauce. Maybe they are using that sauce in printers... hmm, gotta check my next expense report, whether it smells like soy.

"Hi honey, I can see Paris!" ... from 36000 feet

I learned something today. Apparently, it's really not the onboard electronics, that would go out of whack if we all used mobile phones in airplanes. I suspected that for a long time, because there must be countless phones polling until the cows come home, becuase the respective owner forgot to switch it off. But since I haven't heard any captain announce over the intercom "Folks, our flaps are acting funny today, would you please check that your phones are off!", I guess it can't be such a big deal.

Now, I was told today (can't confirm it, though) that it's not the airlines that want our phones off, but the telecom providers themselves. Why? Because, at least when you're in flight, but still at relaitvely low altitude, the ground speed of the plane would seriously challenge the telecom infrastructure, because all those phones would jump from cell to cell in rapid succession. Sounds reasonable enough, I think.

However, I would still encourage airlines to prohibit passengers from using cellphones, no matter what. Can you imagine a 747 with 400 people elbow-to-elbow and everybody chatting? I mean, I'm already getting annoyed if the guy in the next seat babbles on while we're still at the gate, and because some folks are talking so loud that they wouldn't actually need a phone and you can't just leave the plane, they better keep the ban alive. Or they restrict calls to the lavatory. Uh, they better not.

First a ride, then a crash

At Amptown's musician flee market I (sort of) completed my drum set today. First I found a great Sabian hand-hammered ride cymbal, then a Paiste 14" thin crash, another Sabian dark crash, and a pair of heavy Ufip hi-hats. Gotta run, make some noise....

KLM Sandwiches: Ham or Grease, uh, Cheese?

It seems to be the time when I continuously have interesting experiences with air travel. Yesterday, I had to fly to Cardiff, Wales, and the best (or rather only) connection was via Amsterdam, so I had to fly KLM. The fact that the departure out of Schiphol was 30 minutes late doesn't even bother me much anymore, although the waiting area at the gate reminded me of some hospital basement.

Anyway, when we boarded, I found out that I'm actually in an exit row, so I was happy having some extra leg room. I was not happy about the overall condition of the aircraft. This must have been (by far) the dirtiest plane that I have ever seen. The seats of the Fokker 100 were so filthy that I didn't really want to sit on them. The window, the ceiling and all the light and the call buttons were so sticky and spotted with grease that I thought I should ask for some Clorox. I guess there is a reason for calling them ShittyHopper.

Later, I hung my jacket over the hook on the back of the front seat, but the flight attendant wanted to rather put it in the overhead compartments. When I handed her the jacket, she didn't bother looking for a hanger, but folded it like an old towel and stuffed it in between suitcases. I was so stunned that I couldn't even say anything.

When it was "feeding time", the same flight attendant asked us for our sandwich preference: Ham or Cheese? The Portugese guy in the middle seat said "Yes." Another try: "Ham or cheese?" "Yes. Ham and cheese." "HAM OOOOOR CHEEEESE." "Yes." .... That's when I closed my eyes and pretended that I was sleeping.

P.S.
There is actually a site named airlinemeals.net. It claims to be the world's first and leading site about nothing but airline food. No kidding. I'd think the world needs more sites like this one.

There's somebody in my seat (again)

Sometimes it just pays off that airlines are stuck in the middle-ages. IT-wise, that is. Of course, there are other times, when it annoys the hell out of me. Here is why:

On my return flight from Johannesburg a few days ago, it happened again: I board the plane, find my seat (3G) and there is a guy already sitting there, shoes off, a gazillion newspaper scattered around him. I ask him, whether he's in the correct seat, and yes, his boarding pass sure reads 3G also. So I find the flight attendant, explain to her the situation, she radios the gate agent, and 2 minutes later, I'm asked to go upstairs (it's a 747) and I find myself in First Class. Nice, particularly on an 11-hour flight.

Now, I won't be describing all the food and wine, I'm a techie after all, and slept through most of the flight anyway. What interests me is, how it is possible to create double-bookings to begin with. Apparently, airline systems are still unable to use current technology to avoid those situations. I would imagine that there is a booking system that has records for flights (on a particular day), aircrafts, class of service, seats, passengers, meals, etc. and that data model does not look particularly difficult. Of course, lots of foreign key relationships between those entities, but the seat number in any particular aircraft should be pretty unique. Unless some clown actually put two physical seats with 21C ... ah, never mind. Wouldn't happen. It's in fact more likely that there are seat numbers missing than there are duplicates. Lufthansa aircrafts, for example, never have a row 13.

Back to those airline systems. Even if we assume that there are multiple distributed databases that hold reservations, bookings, check-ins, and the like, someone should tell the airlines that there is something like two-phase commit, which has actually been around since the 80s. So even if there were two agents trying to book conflicting (i.e., duplicate seat assignement) records, it just shouldn't happen. But it does. Well, as long as I get upgraded every time, I'm actually happy that airline IT is still in the middle-ages. Now, if the airlines would finally get their act together and credit all my flights into my frequent flier account. But that's a different story.

Climbing Eiger

Well, we all know that Microsoft is always eager, but the folks behind the latest announcement from Redmond must have had something else in mind, when they gave their "XP light" platform the codename Eiger. First, it's pronounced "eye-ger", not "ea-ger" and Eiger (in its respective context) is one of the hardest challenges that you can face. Ever. The North face of Switzerland's Eiger mountain gives you chills just by looking at it. Climbing the thing is still something else. Hopefully, the installation or operation of XP Eiger is not as difficult and making a mistake is not followed by instant death.

The Eiger concept can certainly be considered a defensive move. Trying to keep a more modern Windows XP alive on machines that got stuck on Windows 9x or that have been migrated to Linux, which requires a lot less resources, makes sense for Microsoft. Hey, I converted a few old boxes to Suse and they now operate as file server or firewall. But, how many firewalls does one need in a home? Exactly.

If all your Pentium II machines are already repurposed, you may want to see the real Eiger from this Irish or the German expedition.